Boat Life

The worst thing nobody tells you about boat life

Living on a boat can be fantastic, but there’s something you should know that nobody tells you about boat life. The bugs are maddening.

I’m not joking. Mosquitoes are the bane of my existence, and you’d be amazed how easily they can sneak themselves into every nook and cranny. Plus, it only gets worse if your near bodies of water where they frequent.

These little winged-assholes are the worst thing to happen to paradise, and I hate them with a fiery passion.

So, what do you do? Well I do have a few solutions for you..

Make sure everything is sealed up tight

Mosquitoes can squish their bodies into unimaginably tiny places. Make sure that every single screen or opening on your boat’s cabin is in pristine condition or you’ll be covered in red welts from bites every morning.

Pictured: The asshole of the animal kingdom.

Make sure there is no water near your boat

I’m serious. Mosquitoes need like a tablespoon of water to lay eggs in. So, if you’ve got buckets, or literally anything that is holding water up on your boat deck.. get rid of it. Or else your new neighbors in paradise will literally eat you alive.

I’ve become obsessed with making sure that there’s nothing above deck that can collect water. I run around inspecting nooks and crannies like a crazy person. Maybe I am crazy at this point.

Invest in mosquito netting

This stuff will literally save your sanity, and it’s dirt cheap. If I’d have gotten some sooner maybe my hatred wouldn’t have festered so badly, but here we are.

If you’ve tried and tried to be rid of mosquitoes to no avail, just throw this over your bed for a relaxing night sleep, delighting in the sound of mosquitoes trying to futility enter your sanctuary with no success. It’s the stuff that dreams are made of, I’m telling you.

Plus, you can even use it as a canopy up top if you just want to be outside, but the mosquitoes are so awful that you’ll need a blood transfusion at the end of the day.

Get a mosquito trap

Now, you need to be careful when purchasing one of these. For starters, many of them need AC power, which could run down your boat’s stores. However, the Mosquito Magnet model uses replaceable batteries though, so it could be a real lifesaver as long as you’ve got a steady supply of propane available, because it won’t work without it.

However, these things are awesome, because they allow you to enjoy your boat deck in peace. Just put it on the other side where you won’t be sitting, else you’ll be inviting your bitey friends to a human buffet.

This Mosquito Magnet review does a good job of explaining how they work and what you need to know, so I won’t go into here. The short version is that the trap mimics the basic bodily functions of a human in order to lure biting asshole mosquitoes to their death. Awesome.

Don’t forget to protect your best friend too

Do you travel with a dog like I do? If so, then make sure to get mosquito prevention for them too. My little jack russell makes a great boat companion, but mosquitoes bring with them heartworms. So, for his health, I use advantix II, which is one of the few flea and tick medicines which will also get rid of mosquitoes!

It prevents mosquito bites and thus prevents heartworms, which enter a dog’s body through the bite of a mosquito. Don’t worry, humans don’t really get heartworms, but west nile virus is still pretty nasty so, protect yourself too while you’re at it.

Most other flea and tick routines do not protect against these bugs, so make sure the one you buy explicitly says mosquitoes, AND that the bugs don’t have to bite first to die, because it defeats the purpose and does not prevent disease or other parasites.